Why George, why?
Why did you sell your children to a studio that is going to milk everything that made Star Wars great right out of it?
Did we not hear the coming of the tide when we witnessed the rehashed, uninspiring trek down A New Hope’s lane that was The Force Awakens. Where we learned that everything that our heroes went through in episodes 4,5, and 6 was basically for naught. Luke was chased away into obscurity by a guy who couldn’t hold is own against a woman who didn’t even know what The Force was. Han (You know, General Han Solo) back-slided into smuggling for God’s sake. And Leia spent the past couple of decades staring into holographic schematics, apparently. If that wasn’t bad enough we were treated to Finn’s sweaty Stepin Fetchit routine, Poe’s now you see me now you don’t because the writers forgot all about me bit, and Rey’s…I don’t need a man…because I can do pretty much anything…better than anyone shtick.
Then came Rogue One…a movie that put me to sleep three, count em three times. A movie so mind-numbingly dull, my brain tried to crawl its way out of my skull. A movie that answers the question no one asked. “How did they get the plans for the Death Star to the Rebel Alliance?” The answer could have saved everyone a lot of time and energy if it was it was presented at the writer’s table: who cares? “I Am One With the Force and the Force Is With Me” No, you aren’t, and it isn’t.
So what treats are we going to get with this next installment? I shudder to think. We open this time with Rey taking over the sweaty and gasping duties for Finn. I will have to wait for the bootleg to gnash and pull my hair out. For the rest of you: Star Wars: The Last Jedi will be coming your way this holiday season.
Opens: December 15, 2017
Directed by: Rian Johnson
Starring: Daisey Ridley, Mark Hamill, John Boyega, Adam Driver, and Oscar Isaac.
